Big Karma has received a top secret dossier, detailing how the world’s secretive super elite are building an exclusive holiday retreat on Planet X AKA Nibiru.
The $4.7 billion dollar complex, coincidentally located 4.7 billion miles from earth, is only accessible via Richard Branson’s new high-speed space travel programme, ensuring that only the richest and most powerful people on the planet can visit.
Here is an artist’s impression of how the resort could look:
All the resorts’ facilities will have disabled-access and reptilian-access, to ensure that all illuminati members can use the swimming pool, steam rooms and casino, including the biggest illuminati ever, Stephen Hawking.
Creating Reptilian access facilities is particularly tricky, as the majority of guests only have stubby little T-Rex arms. This means they cannot open the sliding doors to their penthouse suite balconies, and need very long cutlery when dining in order to reach their plates.
All the beds will be heated, because as everybody knows, reptilians are cold-blooded, and the restaurant will serve a variety of fresh mice and other marsupials which they can swallow whole.
However, don’t worry! Irish budget airline company RyanAir have confirmed they will be running flights to Nibiru from 2019 for the cut-price cost of £29.99 for a return ticket.