New archaeological evidence suggests that psytrance could be the oldest music in existence today, enduring the rise and fall of several major civilizations.
Researchers in the Amazonian valley of To Tal Boloks recently found rock carvings which appear to show ancient Aztec chieftains dancing in front of primitive soundsystems built out of compacted llama feces. The generators were most likely powered by burning large amounts of cocoa leaves, and more llama feces.
Chief Archaeologist Steve Bodger (who happens to mix progressive psy under the name Ten Pound Banger) said the findings were ‘monumental’ and ‘probably the sickest thing I’ve ever dug out the fucking ground’.
‘We didn’t realise how important both llama feces and wobbling rolling basslines were to this ancient culture’, Dr Bodger told Big Karma. ‘In fact, we think the Aztecs primarily went to war with the Mayans because the Mayans preferred quite aggressive jump-up tribal drum and bass.’
He continued by saying, ‘The Aztecs even transcribed some of their beats into the walls of a nearby mountain, and I’m currently importing it into a cracked version of Fruity Loops I picked up in Mexico City. I reckon the beats are so good, I’m finally going to make the first ever cross-over psytrance tune that breaks the mainstream music charts and isn’t a pile of utter shit.’
No Aztecs were available for comment.