Hippie spends 6 months and £6,000 travelling the world to find himself; discovers he's a complete cunt.

A young hippy from South Gloucestershire says he has been left ‘devastated’ after realising he’s a boring, cliche cunt, following an expensive round-the-world trip through countries such as Goa, Mongolia, Peru and Burma.

19 year old Jonty Cockburn told Big Karma the stark understanding hit him whilst he was sat round a drum circle at an organic chickpea farm in New Zealand’s northern island.

The trigger was a sudden awareness that he was in the company of 8 other near-identical looking white, dreadlocked, poncho-wearing, bucket-hat sporting, fire-poi spinning, terribly tattooed idiots.

Cockburn, whose Facebook profile lists his interests as ‘legalisation, hacky-sack [and]… psytrance’, says he is planning to cut his dreadlocks off, throw away his propagator and burn his embarrassing collection of tye-dye t-shirts.

‘I thought I was an individual snowflake, but then I realised that actually, all snow looks the same to the human eye.

I don’t want to sit around anymore talking about how we’re going to change the world with a revolution, only to then consume an entire bag of Cool Original Doritos, watch re-runs of Blackadder, and then fall asleep.

I want to actually do something worthwhile with my life instead.’

Deep stuff, thanks Jonty.

177 thoughts on “Hippie spends 6 months and £6,000 travelling the world to find himself; discovers he's a complete cunt.”

  1. It’s not that complicated you idiot. Get married, have children, and devote everything you are and everything you have to them. Teach them to do the same for theirs. That’s it. Family. That’s all there is to it.

  2. Seven billion people on this planet, if we all just gave up our privileged western lifestyles and went back to organic farming and appreciating the world for what it is then perhaps the planet would be in better shape. If you’re not happy, just smile and stop thinking too much. Live simply so that all may simply live.
    …maybe a few world leaders and merchant bankers should go find themselves.

  3. Content writers hahahaha. what a joke. even a teapot can be a content writer these days. Pointless article with bad generalization, grammar and geographical knowledge.

  4. Hilarious dum fuckery of the highest order…. goa is a country… priceless. The comments here make dear Deirdre inThe Sun look like Pulitzer prize material. Suspect the tie die wearing, tibetan bell ringing multitudes obviously nead to take some spiritual uplifting sarcasm and satire courses at their local ashram in order to deflate their overly sensitive sensitivity and calm their karma. Sorry, unless you were a child of the 60’s when the universe really still meant something and the world was more groovier than velvet drain pipe trousers on sale in woolworths …. you are all just just a sparkly marketing tool and wet pipe dream for the travel industry now…… ohm!

  5. I’ve done a bit of travelling, live on an eco friendly commune, been to psytrance festivals, practiced poi and you know what…. THIS MOTHERFUCKIN article was jokes… if you can’t grill yourself and laugh and something that relates to you then theres probably something you need to get in touch with deep down, some shit you need to realise XD

    1. Absolutely! I’ll always have a bit of Jonty in my soul. I thought it was a cracking article. I actually laughed out loud. After living in Bristol for 3 years, every second person you meet is he! Am surprised at all these haters hating. I thought it was funny!

      1. Keeley- a kindred spirit here in Santa Monica,Calfornia where we have to laugh to keep from suicide/homicide- this cracked me up – out loud and for a long time- still laughing- every other ‘enlightened’ fool here is he- surprised at those here who do not get the brilliance of this- just too good for them i guess-

  6. I remember when I was 19 and I did some traveling. I joined up with people like me basically because I felt safe.It did not take long for me to realize that I didn’t get the entire experience at all and I would have done better by hanging with people indigenous to the area. Youth does not mean that you are smart. I think I was in culture shock.
    The article is a bit weak on content but it did bring back a memory to me. ty

    1. Yes, I agree. Once you become too old to fuck off round the world, that which stops you is your complete dependance on money. A friend lost his rucksack and found himself. Posessions certainly do nothing for your confidence.

    1. What is wrong with you people? Why is it OK to generalise about some social groups and not others? I dislike this article because I think it causes problems for people to think like this about any perceived group of society. It doesn’t matter who the article is about. If the issue here is about white middle class people with too much money and time then why not try to contribute to a constructive debate about it? This is a lazy article, and I wish writers and readers alike would have more integrity than this. Sad.

      1. For a less lazy dissection of the pointless (and point-missing) world travellers that fuck the planet with their jet fumes while enthusing about the environment, that exploit economic imbalance to indulge in a “simple” existence they can escape from at whim, and that rail against injustice while visiting totalitarian states with execrable human rights records, why not read “Are You Experienced?” By William Sutcliffe? It is a proper book, no pictures – but funny and clever in ways these earnest, humourless, and self-aggrandising pricks find terribly challenging. It’s 20 years old, and these cunts weren’t a new thing then.

      1. No whining – an upfront loathing of the double-standards of people that say one thing and act in another way. Why would anger not be an appropriate reaction? Mockery is another.

  7. This is the stupidest article I’ve read in 2016 and shouldn’t even count as journalism.. first of all, 6000 pounds would last a hippie at least a full year, and this kid is 19 – of course he’s a stereotypical cunt, all teenage Brits are. There isn’t even a true conclusion or uplifting point drawn out of all this. Is the kidd gonna go to business school now? Or just try and find real progressive action hippies? Pathetic

      1. I hope you are kidding for your own sake. Goa is a state in India. The wealthiest and smallest state India has and was run by Portugal until the 1960s. It has a large Catholic influence because of that and why it also has a better infrastructure then most of India. Water, roads, etc…It is kinda split into North and South Goa with the N being more commercial and touristy with the S being more laid back for now. Goa also has a rich history with Hippies in the 60s where it was a Mecca for Yogis and many other open minded people as well as a drug haven. I was in S Goa for 4 months 5 years ago. I can’t wait to go back some day. Namaste’

    1. do you mean senior or junior? Because I thought that Bush Junior was in Vietnam at the time of the war, when he was still a young man.

      1. Bush Sr. was a naval aviator in the Pacific War. George W. never got near Vietnam as he was in the naval reserve to avoid going to Nam

      2. Do your research. Liberals claim to be so educated but, all they do is spew hate. For your information..
        G.W Bush served as a pilot as a member of the Alabama & Texas Air National Guards. His travel before becoming President included Mexico, Rome, Israel, China, etc…

        Where exactly have YOU traveled? Does that make you a better person?

      3. lol, W never left statside. He served in the National Guard. It’s real easy to send other people’s children off to fight wars you start

  8. If people really want to pick at mistakes, how about the spelling of ‘hippy’ in the first sentence? Hippie in the title is correct, but ‘hippy’ means wide hips – unless of course he was a hippy hippie.

  9. Love the article i live in Goa because of the abundant natural beauty but its hard to switch off the stereo types all around

  10. Oh goody gumdrops!I actually come from a hippy commune and this is one of the funniest grills Ive ever read, equal parts true and trite!the oversensitive would be adoptee Hippies taking umbrage to this are like fucking lemmings chucking themselves over the comedic cliff you have fashioned for them to entertain us with squeals of half hard gluten and joy free rage in the freefall of their commentary…
    Theres a few heads here like sprinklers,just throwing mindless shit everywhere,so much fun,please dont get any sense of humour about you and do please please continue to get upset at life doing itself,goa fuck yourselves a little and golden showers and blessings to you all from the universal cunt in all of us! cheers Luke

  11. It might have taken old mate 6k to discover what many dont…that he has a responsibility to the world…but at least he came to that for himself. And early too. Many spend a lot more than that and never come to that conclusion. Good on you Jonty, mission accomplished.

  12. When you are dead…you don’t know you are dead. It only affects the people close to you. Same thing when you’re a cunt. Glad he realized it early on.

  13. Bunch of cunts! This bloke had a crack and joined the swathes of euro- hipster-fucktards that try to fit into the cool traveller scene and realised it was just that, a bunch of cock wallets in places far from home making counts of themselves, probably befriending some grubby street kids and taking their photo and wearing friendship bands. Cunts.

  14. I ran into this guy at burning man. He was in fact a cunt. But he just didn’t see it while he was yelling at me like the 15,000 others around me because the line wasn’t moving fast enough to get in. Like his specialness needed to be inside the city before the event could really begin. Of course that’s also what everyone else thought.

  15. If you really want to discover your true inner self, spend a few years in a Cat B or Cat C shovel under closed conditions and in a single cell. The best part is that rather than forking out, it’s all laid on by the Government. I agree with the author that psytrance-heads have now become a characiature of themselves and someone needed to say it in a humourous and imaginative way – although the phenomenon is nowt new. There’s something right pretentious about that lot and that’s what gets on peoples’ tits…

  16. Judging from some of the comments there are some ruffled hippy feather who came to this site and didn’t realise it’s satire.

    Not quite up there with Christwire for baiting, but close to it.

  17. Well done Jonty! You are a star ☺😉
    Dont let anyone discourage you with their silly stupid heartless comments! Keep being and doing the best to be who God created you to be, an amazing, full potential, super, very capable gifted person!
    Merry Christmas!☺

  18. Nicely done. A suggestion: ‘cunt’ I think, is unsuited as a swearword.
    1. Roughly half of humanity has got one, it’s an important part of their anatomy; most of the other half spend a lot of time figuring out how to get access to one.
    2. Its importance, together with the womb, cannot be overstated, not least for the survival of the species.
    3. Its impact, directly and indirectly, on culture, art, fashion, economy, is enormous. One example: how many person’s main criterion for choice of career is exclusively or mostly influenced by the desire to have easy access to aforementioned part of the female anatomy.
    4. It’s a thing of beauty. Not one is like another. To be granted access to it is an honour and a pleasure; a fulfilment of dreams, wishes, desires, never mind biological purpose.
    5. As for the process of feeling attracted to a carrier of a cunt, the depth of feelings, being taken over by those feelings totally, is on its own incomparable. If and when the feelings are reciprocated, a new quality presents itself, not least the possibility of physical contact, leading up to being welcomed to the centre of the female partner, which is.. the cunt.

    In conclusion, the cunt is not at all suited to lend its name for a put-down, a swear-word even, much better to use it in the context of love, worship, admiration, praise, honour.

    There is a much better expression to use as a complete and devastating put-down. It denotes someone of a class of people who think themselves better by dint of heredity only, disregarding any achievements or redeeming features. This is a parasitic minority depending on their position on having been given the title by a despotic ruler, they kept it by playing an integral part in keeping the despotic rule in place and benefitting from it.
    This totally despicable title is: count.

    So lets see how this sounds: The poor little sod in your above story came by the insight that he was being no more than a miserable little count.
    Proper, that.

  19. The best thing about the joke article is how completely original it is. Side-splittingly original! So fresh! I can’t imagine how imaginative the author is to have come up with the idea.

      1. Well done you. I don’t know why you think I’m being sarcastic. Also kudos for not getting too big to humbly reply to comments.

  20. I think I met Jonty in Peru on a bus to Machu Picchu. He’s spot on: he is a boring hippy cunt, as I could tell after three minutes’ conversation.

  21. Beautiful, bet he’s so amazing because he dose so much K he’s now a fucked up idiot, probably too open minded to believe in evolution also.

    1. Yeah I’m like amazing, and totally against free market capitalism, even though I sell drugs with no government regulations and don’t volunteer tax. Oh yeah I get a contract upgrade on my IPhone next month, gawd I’m so amazing and anti capitalist.

  22. Well done mate – we realised this 40 years ago but it did change our future ideals of how we viewed the world. Its not wasted time, you’re forever a changed person. Go forward forgetting nothing you’ve learned.

    1. Not sure what you mob are on about. Goa is a former Portuguese colony (now a state) on the West coast of India. It was quite an “alternative” holiday destination in the late 1990’s and is where Goa (now called Psy) trance originated. So no, Goa isn’t a country, but it’s definitely a “Destination of significance” if you’re a hippy

  23. Not sure if this article is supposed to be a joke or something more sinister such as some form of prejudice but it has got me thinking…

    What do we know about this Jonty chap? Well he’s saved £6000 for a 6 month trip around the world so one can expect he’s hard working and ambitious. Someone who eats chick peas and bangs drums gives the impression of a person in his late teens or early twenties who possibly worked in McDonalds or some medial workplace, perhaps even somewhere like a care home. Wherever he worked he’s managed to scrimp and save to buy his plane tickets. His travels to places like Goa, Peru and Mongolia obviously demonstrates he’s keen to experience different cultures and meet different people. He’s been sensible enough not to go travelling with his best clothes and finishes by saying he wants to do something with his life, clearly inspired by his worldwide travels and experiences.

    Jonty sounds like someone who would make a worthwhile contribution to our society. Now let’s compare Jonty to Adolph.

    Adolph is the same age as Jonty but can’t be arsed to get a job. He’s content living on benefits because he’s been educated by his parents and peers who have told him that he’s entitled to do nothing. He has no ambition and cannot stand people who have. He doesn’t think people who speak a different language should be able to take advantage of the opportunities he has because he has chosen not to. He’s a fucking loser. He voted to leave the EU.

    It seems to have become “British” to hate people we don’t even know who they are or what they do. Who’s next? Perhaps we should target people who keep cats for pets? Or maybe those vile couples who have chosen not to have children?

    The original article claimed Jonty was a cunt. The real cunts are those who wrote this article and those who find it funny.

    1. I think the point of calling this caricature Jonty was to suggest that he might have a posh, privileged background? Adolph is not a popular name for British boys, not since around 1939 anyway.

      1. Brexit will be much more palatable watching people like you get your hands dirty pulling up cabbages in the fields as you are “put to work”. Enjoy your meaningless existence, fuckwad.

    2. Spoken like a true hippy cunt. The kind of hippy cunt who travels the world to find himself but in the process can’t find a rubbish bag to put his trash in. Or a sense of humour. Cock.

    3. Living on chick peas and banging drums is redundant.
      That makes the whole artikle just seem so unbelievable.
      And who has ever met a guy whom claims India was special too him even tho he confused Goa with the real deal?

    1. That’s even worse!!! Bloody middle chads hippy dudes…

      Oh I do vipassana meditation…,

      Yes…. So do all the other self-centred flakes…

      Get off your backsides, stop picking the fluff out of your belly button and go get your hands dirty doing some real hard work that’s really going to make the world a better place for someone!

      Don’t you understand? That article was about people like you x

      1. Ain’t is indeed a word which came about in the 1600s sometime. It has a pretty interesting history. Originally just a contraction for ‘is not’ it later developed and is used also as a contraction of ‘have not’ ‘has not’ ‘am not’ and ‘are not’. It is as legitimate as ‘aren’t’ but at some point for some reason it was considered a word used only by low socio-economic classes and not a real word. It appears to be making a come back these days pervading the speech of all classes and used commonly in the media.

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